When what was wasn’t…
After speaking to a friend who has recently come out of a marriage I recognised both her clarity and confusion as she came to terms with the fact that she couldn’t see things for what they were when they were happening. Those redefining moments when you discover the missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle are incredibly illuminating and life changing moments.
Finally things make sense, relief and a new found understanding allow you to see things in a different light. As you learn that what was wasn’t and what wasn’t was, the façade falls away. Sometimes it’s a gentle falling away, other times it comes as a brutal blow as the illusion comes crashing down around you. Either way you are finally released. It is done and a new journey begins.
You did what you could to keep your life and family together.
It is highly likely you played a part in maintaining the façade perhaps from fear, innocence, ignorance, hope or habit. It doesn’t matter. The worst part about it is that you became something that you weren’t in order to survive, to cope with it all. Tip toeing around, shutting down or living in a state of constant anxiety knowing that things weren’t as you hoped they would be.
Sticky tape was not enough to hold the gaping cracks together but that didn’t stop you from trying. You tried so hard to figure out how to make things better, you played your part well even managing to smile through the thick of the pain. The children are loved and cared for but now it’s time to face you, this will be the greatest gift you can ever give them.
It’s safe to be you, being anything other than that means you are living a lie and your entire being suffers from that. You may have lost yourself for a long time but rediscovering yourself is the most magical journey you will ever embark on. Life is nothing like the fairy tales you were told, but this is your tale to live and tell and it better than you can possibly imagine.